


The Sandwich Thief

by ReePer



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Choose Your Own Adventure, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-10 17:36:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10443348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReePer/pseuds/ReePer
Summary: Based on http://weknowmemes.com/2014/08/this-sandwich-thief-trolls-his-workmate-in-the-best-way-possible-12-pics/Someone is stealing lunches from the Kingsman storefront refrigeratorWho?  I want to say Eggsy but no.  Poor egg, everyone blames him but it’s not him...or is it?Possible merlin bc he's so sleep-deprived he doesn’t remember doing it?Harry? I think gentlemanly rules would apply, even in sleep, but who knows?The author will post about once a week, and the reader will have to make a choice via the comments to prompt how the story will continue.Will you help the hero, or bring him down?





	1. The Briefing

Eggsy swung in through the door frame and skittered to a stop. Harry’s eyes were cautious, but apprehensive, as he gestured to the chair in front of his desk.  
“Harry, I’m sorry I’m so late, it’s just JB was nervous with the new puppies in the kennel….” He began, but Harry held up a hand to silence him.  
“Eggsy,” he began, for once seeming uncertain of how to say something to Eggsy, which had him tensing up. He took a slow breath, held it, and began again, “Eggsy, first let me say that I do not believe that you had anything to do with this, but it has been brought to my attention that someone has been taking lunches from the staff pantry at the shop, and there are those amongst your peers who are not saying that it was you, but rather implying that, based on….”  
“No, Harry.” Eggsy interrupted, leaning forward in his seat, trying to silently convey his convictions to Harry with his body language.  
“Eggsy, I know it wasn’t you, darling,” Eggsy let out the breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding slowly, waiting for the other shoe to drop, “I was going to ask if you could help myself and Merlin, who also knows that you’d never do something like this, by the way, catch the true culprit?”  
“Yes, Harry!”

Now here is where I need your help.

Does Eggsy:  
Set up a stakeout?  
Set up a camera with help from Merlin?  
Or plant a booby-trapped lunch in the fridge?  
Something else? Let me know in the comments!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first helper

It was all Eggsy could do to keep himself professional throughout the rest of the day. Harry hadn’t told him who was accusing him, so he felt his hackles rise with every staff encounter. Were the nurses he passed in the hall among those who felt he’d steal food from them? No, he’d gotten to know Evaine and Danbrann as Harry had been recovering from his coma during the Lancelot trials, considered them almost mates.  
How about Hector, the mechanic who’d helped Eggsy learn to hotwire a car? Nah, he’d brought back chocolates from the last Belgium visit for Hector’s anniversary. Also a mate.  
Dagonet? No. He was so open and friendly, and one of the few people who saw Harry and he leaving at night, always ready with that sly little smirk on his face. Eggsy blushed just thinking about it. Maybe if he could aim a bit more of that in Harry’s direction, though…. No, Eggsy. Focus.  
Well, when it came down to it, didn’t really matter who was accusing him, yeah? He knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, but someone had. He made sure he swung by Joseph’s workshop after his lunch during his “Study Hall” as Merlin was wont to call it, the little bit of time he got to choose what he’d learn rather than what Merlin and Harry thought he should work on. Joseph (codename, her real name was still a mystery to Eggsy so he just went by Jo when no one was around) smiled as soon as she laid eyes on him. Eggsy mentally rubbed his palms together, it was always nice when Jo lit up like that, it meant Eggsy’d get to play with something new, and fun.  
“Ah, Galahad, so good to see you!” she greeted, trying (and failing) to discretely volley her eyes across the room to her newly-acquired assistant.  
“Joseph,” he nodded his head in acknowledgement, “I was hoping that we could work together on a special project for an upcoming mission.”  
“Yes, of course, Merlin messaged me earlier, and I’ve got a few designs I’ve begun working on in my office, would you care to follow me?”  
“Please, after you,” he gestured ahead of himself, and followed her into her office. Eggsy thought that was a bit of misnomer, considering it was more piles of blueprints and prototypes strewn about, but Jo always knew where everything was, so it was no matter to him. She nudged under one of those piles and must’ve flipped on a white-noise machine, because Eggsy heard a faint static about him.  
As soon as he shut the door behind him, she flung herself at him, squeezing him tight, and telling him, “I am so sorry for this, Eggsy, I’m trying to listen out for who might be saying this about you, but most people here know that we’re close, and well….you know, they are spies, so I mean, I’m probably not going to be able to suss it out, but …”  
“Jo, it’s ok!” Eggsy huffed out a laugh and squeezed her back. “I’m sure Merlin will figure it out, yeah? I mean, it’s only a matter of time, and I’m more worried about finding out who is doing this and clearing my name.”  
“Right, right, well then,” she let him go and one corner of her mouth lifted in a mischievous smile, “allow me to show you what I’ve come up with so far, based on what Merlin’s given me.” She nabbed her tablet, and flicked the screen up to her Smart board, with three files displayed. “The first, and smallest, option would be putting a camera or two in the room.” (Eggsy rolled his eyes at this one, I mean really, he couldn’t sneeze in a corner without Merlin’s team seeing him on the footage, did they really need any more cameras?) “But, I’d told him I wanted to modify them a bit. He told me that there was footage of everyone coming and going from the cameras on each of the entrances, but it’s not like anyone is strolling out brazenly holding poor Dagonet’s liverwurst for us to see, so the plan would be to mount a camera in the fridge to catch who’s opening it as they do so.”  
“Ah, like those laptop cameras, got it. What’s next?” Eggsy leaned his bum back against the desk, and crossed his arms over his chest. Jo had to have something better than that.  
“The next option,” she continued, minimizing the window and pulling up the next, “is something I stole from Valentine.”  
Eggsy raised a brow, waiting for her to continue.  
“Well, I read over the tech reports from One of Arthur’s previous missions, when Valentine laced his drink with some nano-trackers, and I think it could be pretty brilliant. The only problem is, I’d have to lace everyone’s food because the thief seems to be varied in his or her tastes, and there’s a distinct possibility that the real thief is someone who works here, so we might end up following a lot of agents for naught.”  
“Well, I guess so, but couldn’t we just place some lure lunches instead of lacing everyone’s lunches?” Eggsy wondered aloud.  
“We could, but there’s no real guarantee it would be taken. As I said, Merlin told me that the thief seems to take all manners of items, and never anyone’s full lunch. Sometimes it’s just an apple juice, others it’s roast beef sandwich, or chocolates, and there was that one time Roxy’s cucumber salad was taken. So, I can’t really predict what the thief will want to take. I can make sure the nanobots for each lunch have their own signature so that we can track them against their owners, but again, this hasn’t been an everyday occurrence, sometimes a week or two between thefts, so we might be doing a lot of leg work with little to no reward, so to speak.”  
“Alright. You said there were three options?”  
Jo’s face took on an almost Grinch-like smile, and Eggsy felt his palms moistening, a bit in fear, a bit in excitement. Jo pulled up the last window, a website about bike storage popped up, and Eggsy’s face scrunched up in confusion.  
“This,” she took a breath as if to steady herself, “is what I’m basing a new design for our new weapons storage, so that each agent can access their own preferred weapons in Dressing Room 2. For example, I was thinking I could modify it to also accommodate our food storage, just using smaller refrigerator units for each agent. I could make the access panel require voice, eye, or print recognition, I haven’t really decided yet, but…” Here, she turned to Eggsy, clutching the tablet to her chest, lower lip bit between her teeth, eyes wide with yearning, “Merlin may not agree for the budget for the refrigerators. That’s why I need you to maybe give him a nudge for me, as a second vote?”  
“Erm, I mean, it looks well cool, Jo, but it also doesn’t solve our problem. It’d prevent any more from being stolen, but it’s going to require a lot of construction at the shop, and it’d probably take a while to set up, yeah? But, I’m definitely going to be talking to Merlin and Harry tonight about this, I mean, the weapons lockers would just be brill!”  
So, which option do you think Eggsy’s going to support? Let Merlin stake out the cameras? Or booby-trap the food? Just lock everything down? Or something completely different?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link about the bikes, if you're interested. Pretty sweet, and I could totally see Kingsman using this for SOMETHING:  
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/virals/11419484/Behold-the-futuristic-Japanese-underground-bike-parking-machine.html

**Author's Note:**

> Don't want to leave a comment here? https://www.tumblr.com/blog/reeperwriting


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